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Posted by on in Day to day

 I wanted to share a funny that happened on my way to work. I was cycling along, when all of a sudden I was passed by a guy and his dog. As they passed the dog, face wide open and panting, gave me a brief look before they moved on ahead. That one look was enough, as I started smiling and then laughing and then soon bending over because 'LOL!'. The dog was having such a good time, it was radiating 'WOOHOO!!!' all over the place. And so I picked it up :).

'Self. Hi. That is not mine.' *snort* 'Still not mi-hihi-hine.' *giggle* *lol* 'Hookay, grooouuunnnd.' *hehe*

I sort of grounded it and felt a bit less lol :), as I cycled on I saw the guy had pulled over on the sidewalk to let his dog on the grass. It looked a bit like '*pant* *pant* hee that was fun :D'

So, yeah. Happy puppy :).

This is public, so everyone can check when I am available next week, which is spring break for most of the united states schools.  Here is my work schedule times (this is when I am NOT available, but other times are! ) Also, times are in central standard time format. For the netherland folks just add on 6 hrs (or 7?) and I think you have your time.

mon = 10-2pm (a 30min meeting at 3pm) cst 24hr clock: 10-14:30 csst

wed = 10-2pm cst 24hr clock: 10-14:30 cst 

thurs = 10-2pm cst 24hr clock: 10-14:30 cst

fri = 10-2pm cst 24 hr clock 10-14:30 cst

sun 3/23 = 3-7:30pm (might pick up a 10-3pm 24hr clock, 10-14:30 too, depends if it is taken already or not) and 15-19:30cst


also have another 30min meeting but idk when that will be yet sometime during the week

Posted by on in Day to day

So, I was working at Lidl Swiss at the cash register. It was a 20% position, meaning that I worked every Saturday at the cash register. My work somewhat depended on whether I started at 6am or later in the morning. When I started at 6, I had to help stock up the shelves before opening at 8am. When I started at 8 or 10, I had to help clean up after closing. But no matter which shift I was working, getting up in the morning I was whiny every week, thinking and feeling "I don't want to work today, I don't want to go there". And when I was there, I kept looking at my watch, counting how many hours I had left to go until I could take a break and until I could finally go home again. 

The job was no fun for me, which was apparent to my supervisors. My probation period was 6 weeks, after which I got sat down for an official evaluation. That happened last Saturday, and I was let go. 

Their reasoning: They expected more communication with the customers. The way they put it, it seemed as if I had been expected to have small talk with every customer who came to the cash register. And they would have liked me to take more initiative, though they accepted that there wasn't much at the cash register that gave me the opportunity to take initiative. 


When they told me that I didn't pass my probation period, I was relieved and sad at the same time. Relieved, because it wasn't a job I really wanted to do. But sad, because it was my only source of income. I barely had enough with it, and still had to kept borrowing money from my friends or my family. Just like at the moment, where I'm waiting to receive money from my parents or a wire for selling my sewing machine to bridge the gap until I get paid for this month. 




I found a really interesting job ad for a copywriting position, where I would also work with social media and online marketing. That was actually my specialization in my Bachelor! :D

When I convince them of hiring me, I will not only get a hourly salary, but a share of the company. 


I have decided to write this text tonight after school. And with help from my classmates (thank you, Mika), I will write it about Elfpath. I'm both excited and scared though, to be honest. It should be easy to write it about something I'm excited about for something I'm excited about. But at the same time it's important for EP, myself and possibly my new bosses.

But I've decided to not let that stop me. I will write a creative text that blows everyone's mind. I know I can do it, so I will! 

Tagged in: Doing Thank You

Posted by on in Day to day

I recognize that whenever I try to journal or submitted one, they all sounded whiny lately compared to the entries when the website upgraded. 

And right now, I feel unusually calm. Not sure what happened. And usually I don't know, but learning to be o.k. with not knowing.

I do want to post updates and share things although I will try to do so with holding more yay.

Aside from the whiny there's a few things going on:

- I'm kinda stuck, but finding stability again with the simple, helping me to move, but slowly...? reminding self is o.k. to do earthy things. And patiently waiting for classes to start again.

- There's the feeling childish and then there's that whiny piece... I want to say two different things, but whenever the manipulative whiny piece comes up, it brings up a lot of childish and embarrassing feelings. And I got a feeling people treat me childish.... young. But Ro coached me saying that the whiny piece isn't my friend, so I'm working on letting it go.

- I been remembering a lot of past lives there's still some violent ones to go through. Today been remembering one, or more than one where I lived a life as a slave. In one of them, if I'd do something wrong then I'd get branded with fire or something like that. They would put the branding stick on the back of my heart as well with me laying face down.

- I also have a young me somewhere that made an agreement that it was told to go away. So during certain situations, the piece feels like they have to go away because they think the people are telling her to go away.

- I also been letting go of Mom pieces and other pieces that are not me but hanging around for some reason. So I been working with Shaper Bear Zeke on learning how to claim my space. I asked for help because I noticed things like ghosts and energy beings that just wonder into my room... and I'm like o_O "Dude! IT'S MY ROOM! I NEED TO SLEEP!" So I asked shaper bear how to fix and claim space, and it's been more calmer and easier to relax in my bedroom and apartment now :) YAY! It's also a little easier to sleep with little bit less lights on, I still have a light on, but it's progress if I can go to sleep without both lights. I still need to work on that fear of the dark. There's also a fear that gets triggered when I see things.

Posted by on in Day to day

Normally I make breakfast because you know, I feel hungry after 8 hours of not eating. Gotta eat. Now I was like "hm let's do eggs, on toast. Maybe some cheese". Then I got a content smile on my face while thinking of that and the coffee I was having with it and went like 'hmm nice...". So for a change I actually felt happy about the idea of having breakfast, instead of just 'well I guess I have to, even if I don't really feel happy about it".  Cheese ended up not scanning, so got meat instead. Nomnomnom :).

Especially for a source who's not been eating enough/starving himself for much of his life, this is exciting! :D

Yay ^_^

Posted by on in Day to day

I miss feeling safe.

I'm still adjusting to this new place, so I know I cannot make an unbiased decision on whether I like it or not.


There are things I like...the kids seem really good. The food in the school cafeteria is better than my last school. My apartment is nice, there are no cockroaches.


What I don't like is not feeling safe. Feeling like I'm being watched, and judged...not just for how I am with my students, but all the time, from when I ask for the landlord to fix my hot water, to trying to plan lessons without the textbooks.

I feel as though at any moment they could call me into the office and tell me I no longer have a job. I hope this is merely shadows of my lack of confidence paired with my past experiences.

People like Ceo's and top level executives use a tool to get things done. Most people spend their time doing the unimportant stuff. They have 10 minutes and look around and say what can I get done and end up doing their entire day only the small and unimportant things that can be done quickly.

The thing that top level executives do is to make instead a list with all the things that you want or need to do that day and label them.

A for absolutely want get done today,

B for would be nice to get done

C for doesnt really matter if it gets done or not

Most people end up doing only c level things in a day. Executives by doing this and reviewing what they got done they get the important stuff done. They actually DO all the things that they labelled as A. And if there is time for other stuff they grab some B things.


So what do you do to practice this?

1. Write a list each morning and decide what goes in a, b and c columns. Make the A list doable so you can actually get it all done that day. If you have things that will require more days then divide it into pieces that can get done. Such as writing a book you might go: look at layout of this other book to see how they did it, write an outline for the introduction, etc.

2. Look your list over at end of day and see what you got done. If you haven't gotten all your A list things done then you probably need to do more OR you have made your A list or the items on your A list too big.


3. added bonus at end of week look at your lists and notice patterns and if you have bigger tasks that need doing it may help to make some weekly goals: I want to get his done by the end of the week so that means i need to do this on Monday, this on Tuesday, this on Wednesday.


Shapers past beginner level should carry lists around so they can always pull it up and say ok which things are important to me that i can do right now. So they no longer just do random things and constantly looking for things to do. The list should be so big that you always have things to do that matter to you.

This will help you have success in work but more importantly also in your LIFE. On the things that YOU care about. We spend all this energy on our work and school. On stuff that isnt all that important to us in the end. People at work or school will forget you if you should die today. The people that are close to you, like your close friends won't. They will remember you and celebrate you. And if you do something big like write a book or a song it will be remembered long after you are dead. Your loved ones and big things that you always wanted to do deserve as much and really MORE of your focus and your attention as your work does.


And YOU, you are the one you'll be spending every moment with for the rest of your life. Everyone else might leave and YOU will still be there. So you deserve the MOST of your focus and attention. If you want a thing for yourself then give yourself a goal, a deadline and deliverables and then work on it to get it done. And it doesn't have to be serious things. You can have a fun thing that you want to get done for yourself. Get focused about it and actually get it done. You deserve attention, focus and you deserve to have things!





Posted by on in Day to day

Unlike what most people would think, coming back to Canada has not felt like coming home. More like going back to visit the foster home Angel described in his talk about finding the yay.

Anyone who gets the chance to go to Groningen and stay should take it, even if you're scared or anxious or whatever else...it is so so worth it. And it doesn't have to be for a long time. Any amount of time there will heal you.

I was pretty wiggy yesterday and went to bed by 10pm, and slept until 9am this morning. I feel more stable today, like I can do on purpose with more focus.

In exctiing news, I do get to leave for China in two days, which is the most populated country in the world that gets to know me only AS THE AWESOMEST AWESOME WHO EVER AWESOMED, which I'm looking forward to. :) and Buffalo, too.

I love guys. I love you, Big.


Posted by on in Day to day

I been feeling stuck lately, so while I wait for Ro to come back I asked Gimli for help on what I can do in the mean time.

It seemed that the most important thing is doing more Scan. Decide. Act. cause each situation is different. plus, I also tend to ask "What am I doing wrong?" when I should be celebrating what's already awesome and look at how to improve that. Because teachers are meant to encourage "yay learning!" I am also changing a lot and growing up more, so lots of old habits and the sort isn't working so much anymore.

My Awesome Things list:

My System

How to Improve: Root and Joy center seems to need the most attention as of late.

Doing Feelings and GCB and ABS

How to improve: More ABS. Young Yous


How to Improve: Find more things to do on Purpose when I'm by myself.


How to Improve: Focus more on Bear Totem in Blue Belt MM. I'm starting to zone out at that minute again. So something inside is uncomfy with what Bear is trying to teach me.

Working; I has a job!

How to Improve: Be bigger and more confident. Find more work somewhere. I still haven't heard from the recent interviews I got... makes me nervous when they said I would get a yes/no email early that week. But they could have been referring to this week... I still didn't hear from them yet...

Taking care of myself physically:

How to Improve: I'm getting something about being more Gentle on myself.  I can sense my food diet is also changing, so I'm not sure what to do there yet.


How to Improve: DO MORE!

Posted by on in Day to day


Last night I got to learn West Coast Swing dancing from Jacob along with the others. Had a blast! And when we got back, after hanging out for a while, I decided to go to sleep. 

It wasn't happening. I was kind of in that uncomfortable space between being fully awake and being asleep for a while and when Jacob and Gim came into the room, I physically and energetically felt something inside breathe a sigh of relief and relax instantly. I was awake long enough to see Gim move around the room, and I don't remember seeing him actually get ready to sleep. 

This is the first morning in quite a while that I've woken up and not fallen back to sleep, whined about being awake, or just generally lagged for hours feeling sluggish or more tired. Yesterday was pretty close, but it seems each night I get to sleep in a room with other sources, the better my system feels about it. And the more sources, the better so far. 

It would be nice to be able to sleep without needing other sources around, and this is definitely a first for me, but for now... I can enjoy it. It's more learning that helps me understand source-people better and better, and myself as well.

Input by other sources:


--- Sleeping alone - When I wake up I feel a little uncomfortable and restless, tense. 

--- Sleeping with Sources - More relaxed and feeling more stable and maybe even a bit bigger. And the pack animal goes "^_^ pack".


--- I'm noticing these last two days I can actually sleep more easily. By myself I eventually fall asleep - sometimes it's okay - but definitely get wrapped up in thinking and such.

Posted by on in Day to day

Sometimes when I'm doing my exercises, I imagine Ro or Angel or sometimes other students commenting on what I'm doing along the lines of 'Hey, you're not centered'. This is useful to some extent, but I would also like to learn to do it for ME instead of doing it to please imaginary people. 

I'm having difficulty balancing my increased need and want(!) for a social life, and my increasing need and want to finish school, get a job and move on with my life. The latter becomes difficult when I'm constantly off doing things instead of working on my thesis. Still, other people seem to know how to do it. Any tips?

This Elfpath Answers thing is really cool :D I can see it being really useful and I hope it takes off!

Tagged in: EP Answers Journal Mel

Posted by on in Day to day

Today I went to a high tea thing with the girls from my uni. It's one of those things where I'm looking forward to it all week and then on the day I just go "ugh I dun wanna". But nothing gave me an excuse so I wound up going anyway. I'm getting better at that, if I do have some looking-forward-to-it that I can recall. :)

There were 11 of us there, and it was a really tiny shop so we were sat in this basement, like an old vaulted chamber that lets out on a canal, where they used to bring goods in in like the 15th century. Lots of old cities have that in NL, it was just easier to ship things by boat so there's canals everywhere and the shop basements connect to the canals so they could be supplied. In Utrecht a lot of these have been renovated and they're houses, clubs, restaurants etc. but in this one the old stonework and such was still there, dim lighting, leaky roof, very atmospheric. 

One of the girls there, Carolien, was probably te only one present that I don't really get along with (there's a few more in the class but they weren't there today). She doesn't really get along with anyone, except the small group that she likes (which are the same people I don't really get along with that weren't there), and because they weren't there I was a bit surprised to see her. She was surprisingly nice on her own. I think I already knew that anyway, somewhere. I kind of dig her attitude. She's just brutally honest; and not even in the way that ppl usually use to get away with being bitchy, she's just really honest and outspoken about who she is and what she's like, and if that doesn't agree with you then that's too bad. 
One day we were waiting for some uni admin thing in their waiting room, together with that group she hangs out with, and she sort of jokingly said (I don't remember the first part of the conversation), "Yeah but I'm better than everyone anyway," and everybody just laughed a bit, somebody made a joke, and she stopped the whole conversation and went "No, I don't think you understand - I really do thing I'm better than everyone."
And nobody really knew what to say. But she said it with such confidence, and I think I really admire that. I can't say anything about myself, even things that ARE socially acceptable, loudly and with confidence. "SOMETIMES I LIKE TO DRAW PICTURES" nope. "I HAVE BLUE EYES" nope. Stuff about my personality or who I am inside, hahaha nope. 

So this girl was there, another girl who's fast on her way to becoming a Dutch celebrity (her facebook page has half a million likes and she has a book deal - another thing I admire, if a project I like gets too big I just get a major urge to cut and run). The middle aged russian lady was there with her 3-year old. She's brought him along to class before, when she was doing a presentation on a certain type of experiment (eliciting speech in children so you can observe how they handle certain sentence types etc.) but he was way too shy back then and just spent the entire time crying; today he was just doing his coloring book and eating too much chocolate cake. 

I ate too much chocolate cake as well, holy sh*t. :) (Apparently I can't say that word on here, text filter.) It was very tasty, but afterwards I was to full to eat anything else. I just had one each of the 11(!) different types of tea they brought out for us (reservation for 11 ppl means 11 pots of tea). And then I went to the bathroom and stayed in there for like ten minutes. At least I'm well-hydrated today. 

Anyway, it was fun :) I didn't even have to pay for it. 

Tagged in: Journal Mel

Posted by on in Day to day

In the park where I sit under a tree every morning - much to the bemusement of the locals - there lives a pair of coots, male and female.

I've been coming to this same park and this same tree for months and months now, usually with some bread to feed to the local wildlife. What can I say, the tree tells me she likes it when the ducks come and sit and eat under her. She asks me "Did you bring it?" in the morning and she's disappointed on those days when no ducks come. But that's another story.

Being here every day, with food, has given me the opportunity to watch the daily live of the ducks, and of the coots.  This particular pair of coot has been impressing me with their tenaciousness and their dedication to their biology, so I thought I'd share their triumph with you :)

Almost two months ago, the coots made a beautiful nest to the right of my tree, in a little corner of the lake, very well protected, out of the wind, mostly out of sight. She-coot sat on it for about two weeks, he brought her food very dedicated, I thought there were definitely going to be some babies there. Then one morning, the nest was abandoned. I didn't see them for about a week.

Until one morning, on another corner of the lake, I saw them again, building a new nest. This one was much more shabby, and when the spring winds and rains came, the nest drifted to the centre of the lake and took quite a beating. They tried to fix it for a few days, dragging twigs around and putting them in. Then that nest broke too. I saw he-coot wander around now and then, without she-coot. 

And then! Maybe two weeks ago, I spotted them again, this time with a nest on the left side of my tree, in a little reed area there. It was a pretty green-looking nest. And Mr. Coot was suddenly getting very very protective. Every morning when I brought out the bread, he'd come up, and shoo any ducks that got in his way. Even the big fat crows, who terrorise the ducks, would back off when Mr. Coot was on a mission. I watched him the last two weeks making little trips from me back to the nest, piece of bread hanging out. It was adorable. He'd made three trips without eating anything himself, then he'd eat two or three pieces himself, stuff his beak with more, and go back and forth a few times. I saw Mrs. Coot sitting on the nest. I was hopeful!

Then yesterday and this morning, I didn't see anyone on the nest. I didn't see any coots, either. 

Then, this morning, there was Mr. Coot, swimming over from the other side of the lake all slow. He saw me, adjusted course, came on over. Picked up some food, went off to the nest. Running. And let me tell you, coots are adorable when they're running on water. Wait? The nest?! I went to the shore to look. And there was Mrs. Coot.

And there were two fluffly little BABY COOTS! They did it! After whole season of getting their nests destroyed and trying over and over again, and after weeks of fending off ducks and crows... they finally did it. They have babies! I'm so unreasonably proud of them! <3





Tagged in: Babies

Posted by on in Day to day

It was nice weather today ^^


My parents headed out to the local bar late in the afternoon, and half an hour later I got a text from a friend saying "where are you, now I'm here alone with my parents and your parents!" so I went there. I tend to tell Mari she's welcome to come if she wants to (sometimes I forget to say it but imo it's a standing invitation anyway), usually she doesn't take me up on it. Other stuff to do, bit pissed off that I'm suddenly leaving without warning, don't feel like it, various reasons. But this time she came! :D And it was awesome! We had lots of fun, a few drinks, the weather was nice, the waiter was hot (not as hot as the other one but he wasn't working.) 

Convo with my other friend: 
Him: "This one is sort of new so he does get orders wrong sometimes."
Me: "The other one's hotter anyway."
Him: "Yeah I agree."
Me: "Wait, I thought you were into blondes. Do we have to fight now?"
Him: "Yes! But really, it's actually kind of up to him, if he's straight we can fight all day but he's not going to go for me anyway."

And then we had to stop because his mother doesn't know he's bi. But it was nice to talk about something like that in person without feeling like I had to be all like 'well maybe i might have hormones somewhere deep down but nobody's allowed to know (least of all me)'. 

Talked to Mari about living together if possible, and about silly stuff like what color the furniture should be. 

It was a nice day. :) 

Tagged in: Journal Mel

Posted by on in Day to day

At first I started this journal with the intent to tell a story. To go day by day and list every detail of everything that happened this last weekend. But there's something more important I want to make note of. Something I'd forgotten for a long time that a few friends helped me remember. 


This weekend wasn't just about making things happen against ridiculous odds where the tiniest important details seemed to slip through the cracks. Nor was it about finding ways to have a blast on short time and money. It wasn't just about petting ponies either.

This weekend I got to see people I haven't seen in years, play with kids I never met, teach simple little things to people who didn't think about those things before. I got to remember PEOPLE, and the importance of paying attention - to myself, to those around me, and even the place I'm in. And probably even more important, I got to remember what it's like to be a beginner.

Somehow I didn't get a picture of this horse. He's a seven year old 15hh-ish Tennessee Walker with the prettiest silver coat I've seen, and his name is Shakespeare. In a lot of simple ways, he reminds me of my horse. Stubborn, expressive, likes to move and move fast, and like most horses early in learning anything... doesn't trust too much, hasn't learned how yet. So there was this gap in communication where I got to slow things down a bit. I got to practice being clear and simple and consistent in what I asked of him, and praise him for even for the tiniest steps forward. All of them. 

And every step of the way I had a choice to make in how I wanted to be with him. Did I want to do what so many old timers and hard trainers do and use an element of fear to get him moving. Or did I want to do something different. What I learned is that I've still got a lot of my old habits taught from others in how to train, so there was a pause every moment where I had to actually think about what I wanted to do. But what I've gained since by growing, and learning, and through Elfpath is a deeper awareness that...I don't like doing things the old way.

I don't enjoy being hard and harsh and more worried about a fast result 'now' than being more focused on gaining a deep substantial one. Granted, my new way is a bit slower and sloppy and I get to gain confidence in it, but I liked how Shakespeare felt about the flow I chose and responded to it - despite some challenging moments. 

So, my choices: Gentle, Aware, Fun/Playful, Firm and Stubborn when needed, Soft when needed, Consistent and Focused. Me. Light.

Equally important as learning from someone else [a horse, in this case] I had the chance to learn from two students and friends of mine. In giving just because I could, I also had the chance to have others return the favor and even yay about it.

More and more lately the people in my life show me that I don't have to do everything on my own, I don't have to be big and strong for everyone all the time, and I can have happy too. So for this weekend, as I'd made it my task to show my friends this very truth... it was as if they had the same idea.

So, I got to spend four days with two very awesome beautiful people, and without them the entire weekend would not have happened at all. I had a blast, and it gets to happen again soon. Thanks guys :).
{ Tim/Bam Bam & Randy }

Randy and Bam Bam

And you too. Ten years together and still going, he always teaches me something new. :)
{ Wind Walker }
Wind Walker

Tagged in: Horse Journal Thank You
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Posted by on in Day to day

Hi Everyone,

On the new site. any tips are appreciated.

Back in Canada on July 1st.

Back in Groningen July12th.

Finally, my heart will be home again.

Posted by on in Day to day


I dreamt that I had a black panther. Which is cool because I remember about five dreams a year. In the dream, me and the panther were infiltrating some secret research lab that was doing Horrible Experiments(tm) (unspecified) and we had to shut it down. We met some people on the way that wanted to help us, researchers there that didn't agree with the whole thing but they were being blackmailed into working there. There was some kind of subplot about the lab library that I don't remember. Then we disrupted something in their reactor and the whole thing was set to blow, we (me, the panther and the friendly researchers) were going to escape...

And there was some kind of gas leak from the reactor that knocked us all out. 

I woke up in a room like a hotel room, alone, it was a bit techy/spacy in that there was a monitor in the wall and obvious cameras everywhere. No windows. It turned out we had been captured: they'd managed to contain the reactor breach and while we were KO from the gas they'd locked us up. This was explained to me by one of the friendly researchers, he came into the room looking extremely scared but he didn't want to say why (well, because he'd been blackmailed to begin with so whatever they'd blackmailed him with was probably happening right now). I was allowed to leave the room, but it was pretty obvious I wasn't just gonna be able to wander out of the building... And anyway I didn't have my panther. 

It turned out they were "healing" the panther, and "in the mean time I would just have to stay here". Luckily I had that monitor in my room so I could watch the panther's progress at any time. Basically I could choose things like, eating, excersising, sleeping, relaxing, etc. and it would show me footage from the panther's day, not live but recorded bits. Of course the people that were doing the Horrible Experiments(tm) weren't suddenly being nice people and healing the panther. Eating was basically a bunch of wires in its throat, for exercise they had the panther's legs all in sort of big sleeves that were attached to wires on the ceiling so they could move it around. It had things sticking out of its head, it was clearly scared and hurt. So I went on a mission to save it, leaving the blackmailed good-scientists out of it... but then somebody rang the doorbell and I had to run downstairs in my PJs. USually that's a great dream-eraser but I actually remember quite a bit of it. ^^ Actual plot and everything. 


I'm a bit apprehensive to draw any conclusions about this, especially on the panther. Let's look it up.

"A black panther is a very ancient and powerful totem [...] It embodies aggressiveness and power but without solar influence. A black panther's power is lunar." Whatever that means about solar and lunar. "The black panther is endowed with great magic and power and this power will increasingly be experienced." Okay.  

That doesn't tell me much. It doesn't -feel- like a totem thing, but it could still be representing those energies in the dream. Agressive, powerful, magic, lunar. I was working with it in the first part of the dream, but then I lost it and had to fight to get it back from where it was being picked apart and manipulated. I'm not sure what exactly it is referring to. 


Ordering food for tonight. ^^ Let's see. There's a taco place that I've been wanting to try (yup, someone is gonna bring a taco to my door tonight). 


It all has that stuff in it. Koriander. Um. Tastes like dish soap. Cinnamon? No. Cilantro is the thing. Ew. No option to say "leave that out please". Let's see what else is for dinner tonight, then. 


Nothing looks good. 

Time to GCB then. I know there has to be *something* in there that's edible, I mean there's sushi, greek food, thai food, ribs, pizza, chinese, surinamese... ... Russian? that wasn't there last time. Hee. It's really cool to see, in a see of pizzas and ribs, beet soup, spinach soup and kale. Let's see. :3 It actually looks really good - none of the main courses are really appetising but I'll just have a bunch of side dishes. 

  • Blin (whichi s like a rolled up pancake I guess) with fruit and cream
  • Pelmeni (which is like little dough pockets with meat in them)
  • Various random eats which --- Meh! It's like a catering place, they assume you're ordering for a LOT of people so they only do deliveries for E50 and up. I don't think so! 


The quest for food continues. I think it's just gonna be ribs. I'll check again around dinner time. I've got another time to make my own dinner tomorrow and then I"ll do something more fancy and actually make something. I've got things in mind for that. Probably going to make this Indian soup thing with spinach and naan bread that's really tasty. But for now, I think sweet ribs with a baked potato and fruity salad. 


Someone on youtube mentioned an expedition to the Antarctic. 

It's one of the coolest (hurhurhur) places, I think. It has a massive volcano called Erebus, which is just an amazing name for a volcano to do a quest to. But really, the cool thing is that as opposed to Greenland/the north pole, the antarctic has land under it. Greenland is just a big slab of ice. And nobody knows a damn thing about the antactic. It's just so damn intriguing.

Of course there's plenty of other interesting places... I"ll list a few to give this journal some added value:

- Cave of giant crystals in Mexico (those are people)









- Huangshan mountains in China

 It looks like what happens when you get to the edge of the map in Minecraft

- Pripyat, Ukraine - the town where all the people who worked in the Chernobyl plant lived. It's abandoned for obvious reasons, but people creep in there (And there's tours now but you have to wear a suit). But people creep in there and they do graffiti of human silhouettes going about their lives.

 ,  , .

- Machu Picchu, not just for the ruins but for the rainforest as well. I knew a guy who volunteered in Venezuala, he told me about a rock where in the morning, alllll the parrots would gather. Big clouds of colourful parrots in the sunrise, just imagine it (don't imagine it with sound on).


Some of them are places I'd like to go, some of them are not (it's about 44C (110F) in that crystal cave and the expeditions there are incredibly dangerous, so I"ll just watch the documentary again). 


Statistics are boring. I'd rather look at cool pics from around the world some more.


Oh boy! Time for a snack! 




Ok not as creepy as the last one yet, luckily.


It's a little trumpet guy! This one looks a bit like Playmobil. He can lead the parade for the creepy thing that killed the monster on wednesday! 



Hee :3 I like these things. I've only got one more of them, I can't wait. I wish I had enough to build their whole village. 


Freetime time! WoW for now, a movie/show for during dinner (don't know what yet, I was hoping for the new Hannibal to be out...) and art later tonight. I'll post pics. 



Art time! 

Here's what I'm working on: 


Crappy jpg quality because I work at about 6000x4000, so it 's a bit of a thumbnail. It's a character of mine. I do these from scratch, although I do have a picture that I use as reference for the face - in this case also for the pose. I also have various machines as reference for the big thing, and the little robot guy (which will be moved later). I start in black and white to get the values right, and then I color over it later. 


And here's how it is after tonight: 


Didn't do too much on it,but the machine is tricky. Next time I'll add the color. 

Now I'll watch the last bit of the Hobbit movie, and sleep :) good night. 

Posted by on in Day to day

As part of my morning routine, I sit with a tree for a while every morning, and do my Earth and Sensing minutes. It's nice, it starts my day out right. And the tree likes it when I bring bread to feed the ducks. No ducks today, the tree was disappointed. Maybe they were sheltering from the rain.

Somewhere around 15:00 today, when I was sitting at my office, I ran a hand through my hair and... out falls a caterpillar. Just like that. Poof, on my table.

It was a beautiful caterpillar, maybe 2 cm long, a very bright green, and it felt all curious and a little freaked out. I'd be too, if I had just spent 6 hours sitting in someone's hair and then made a nosedive onto a desk! It walked on my hand for a while, up and down my fingers. It looked... well, a whole lot like the little caterpillar on front of the site.

I talked to someone on the computer for a while, holding the caterpillar in my palm, but it adventurously climbed all the way up my left arm onto my neck. Had a collegue pick it off, and took it outside.

I found it a very nice tree with a big bush under it, where I put it down on a leave. And since it was running in my head, I sang it the Miley Cirus' song, "Caterpillar in a tree, how you wonder who you'll be, can't go far but you can always dream! Wish you may and wish you might, don't you worry hold on tight, I promise you that there will come a day... butterfly fly away!"

When I put it down on the leaf (it was pouring rain still), it grabbed hold and stuck its little face into a drop of water on the leave and drank it all. It was adorable.

I've been focussing so much on working the website lately, the design of it, what features we need to best turn little caterpillars into beautiful butterflies. And then a caterpillar jumps out of a tree - and not just any tree, my friend the tree - and sits on my head all day. I'm going to go with, the caterpillars approve! They're coming to check it out!


Posted by on in Day to day

Downs: School has been difficult on me, and will continue to be as such. Health problems. Kind of had a mental breakdown the past two days about the situation at home.

Ups: School's out for summer! One of my health problems, basically labelled as 'going blind', is actually improving. Mental breakdown is in the past, I've grounded for a while, there's still a lot left, but better. And I found my fish :) Or playing with it. And there's a huge-ass party toniiiiiight!


Long version: I hit my one week mark two days ago, but I've been without internet until now. I still have to be careful about slacking off and building up the guilt cycle, though I'm starting to consciously remember I have exercises to do, so it's starting to stick. Pushing my yay-buttons intentionally helps, but I don't usually 'get it'. Had some fun talk with Susanne, and for now I'm going to use Chocolate, Mother of all Sweets, as my 'fish'. The instant happy even thinking about it gives me, is really a good motivator for whenever I have whiny bits holding me back.

My skill on those basics have been improving, I think I still center a bit too high, but I'm actually starting to feel how I'm centering with some effort put into it. Still intimidated by feelings in general, even more so by intentionally feeling them and letting them go. But with how things are going down anyway, I have a feeling I'll be getting plenty of practice at that.

11 June 2013 - 21 June 2013
One week basics!


I'll figure out the future as I go, though yay-buttons seem to make things look a lot more shiny :)

(Edit: is that just me or do my hands look ginormous.)