Day 1 - July 2, 2013 - The Return
There is something about a really long bus ride followed by a really long airport haunting followed by a really long plane ride... that is just a bit draining. Next time I'll vote for the conveniently shorter trip, even if it's a bit more expensive.
But! I made it. And once I got here, these two were waiting along with Susanne and Myrthe. If I hadn't felt how much I missed having pack around during this last year, I felt it in this moment. Just being around other sources, something relaxes and lights up inside.
And though I've missed all the people, there are no people quite like pack-people. It's not an arbitrary role to fill, and though there was a long wait in between leaving last year and returning for this one, it was worth it.
(Gimli - Storm - Katherine)
From there, we headed back to Roh's place and of course we took a detour. There were trees and play things! How could I say no? It was a lucky thing that Gim had come prepared with quick noms as well or the detour might have been more arduous than fun.
After sitting by a tree and playing at the playground a little with Myrthe, Gim, Susanne, and Katherine, we went back to Roh's.
Upon returning to the house after almost a full year of being gone, Angel gave me a restriction. He enforced a 48 hour adjustment period. This means that no real deep inner workings get to happen. This also means, no fusing about not doing enough. Relax, GCB, SWEET - Basics basics basics. The real work comes later.
So, I sat. And ended up sitting on couch with two other sources and Angel on his couch. It was sooooo quiet and nice feeling. Just sat. More pls.
Before sleeping, I tried doing meta-minutes and just couldn't seem to focus enough to get it done. Instead, did breathing - intentionally and gcb and sweet.
Day 2 - July 3, 2013 - Acclamating
There's something about sleeping in the same room as another bigger source. I haven't slept quite that easily in months. It was also a bit entertaining to have Gim hop into a dream of mine sort of as something noticed he not only woke up but moved around and did things and then there was no Gim.
Practicing Awareness - In rooms with the things in it. In my own system and outside of it with emotions and energies.
It lives! Lion is alive! It evolved! Watched it happen sort of! Omg!
Spent a few hours whining and being mopey. Not useful.
Self-Loathing thing: Inner racist stuff. In Angel words, "At some point you're going to have to deal with the racist thing. Not a fear of-, but that you are a racist"
Before heading to bed, I did my minutes and decided to sleep. The fun part about decisions and will? I don't have a timer to wake me up yet. 8am here I come!
Day 3 - July 4, 2013
Okay so my system decided 8am was really about 6:30am and that was an awesome to get up and out the door, with a smile even.
Round 1: Wake up, Gim? Nope, try again later :).
Went for a run through the park. Last summer I rarely got up before the kids and parents started herding into the school on one side of the park, so there is usually more traffic and noise. This time, however, there were just a couple of dog walkers. I only saw a few parents towards the end of my run before deciding to head back and eat a thing. Even got to meet Roh on the way back and finish up the last stretch with company.
Round 2: Wake up Gim? Nah not really :)
Petted the Lion? He doesn't like headbutts! So! check :)
Now the original plan on my part was to follow Gim around for this training thing [though I'd already started earlier] and get into the swing of things again. Somehow he ninja'd out the door. I actually left for another jog right as he was coming back. What the monkies? Or maybe I don't need to worry as much about 'doing it right' as I do about 'just doing it'. There's a flow. I get to be in it.
There's also this drive to tag along like a little puppy somewhere inside, and not sure I'm quite happy doing that all the time. Though I won't turn down a good sit with the sources.
-- Do I have something inside that WANTS to move? [This is weird, sources don't MOVE!], but I wonder a bit. Things like getting up in the morning when it's sunny and warm and beautiful outside. Making things happen, getting things and people moving. A forward focus.
Will keep an eye on.