Of all the people this program has changed – for better or worse – there are so few that speak out about it. There are many that give testimonials and wisdom and share the exercises and tell their friends but they never really… talk. So that’s what this blog is for. This matters to me, and in wanting to help lots of people, I’ll share. All of my Elfpath sharing needs will happen through here for at least a while.
This is about Me and my process. My experiences with Elfpath. How it’s helped me, what I learn, where I grow, what I struggle with. All the things.
There are lots of blogs, websites, and informational pages out there about "Managing your emotions". Many even go into detail about how to "control" emotions, and why that's important. So I'll give an attempt at giving a new perspective.
Since Elfpath, with personal experience, I've learned just the opposite is necessary. After years of bottling up inside and "coping" with emotions, controlling them [and building anger as a result of ignoring emotions ], getting in touch with them in the beginning can seem a lot like opening up a flood gate. First a little bit, then a lot, then the intensity lessens a bit as the system gets used to the changes.
So what about the question?
A common question people ask, and many still do here at Elfpath is "How are you?" And usually, this question is aimed at whatever emotions a person might be feeling at the time. "Oh I'm okay/ I'm feeling sad/ Bored", etcetera. Sometimes, the person who is asked might start talking about the things they're "doing" or have done that day. To me this feels a lot like identifying the Self by the emotions and doings of a person more than who that person IS.
Inadvertently this pattern says things like "I am [my job/hobby/to-do list]".
"I am [that feeling]"
And the last few months I stumbled over this question. Enough had changed in my perception of myself being different from the things I did in a day or felt at the time that for a while I didn't know how to answer.
What does that mean?
The more I define myself as Me, who I am, and what I'm here for - the less I feel the need to define myself by the emotions and hobbies.
So what about managing them?
Here, students learn in Basic that anger is fear. When there is an anger, there is always a fear or insecurity sitting underneath it. Anger, however, as it builds becomes a poison to the system. It burns the senses, and can be physically painful. So if anger is there, just ground it. It's not the anger but the fear underneath it that matters.
From the perspective of "There is [an emotion]", for students in Elfpath they can step into power on purpose. Sit in the guts.
From there, emotions are just an energy that is affecting the system [theirs or someone elses]. As an energy, it can be shaped/sourced, released on purpose, and replaced with something healthier. This works in the case of a fear beneath an anger.
And this doesn't happen by trying to bottle up the emotions, ignoring their existence, or even putting Anger on a pedestal and calling useful [even healthy]. This happens by putting down the barriers and walls inside, opening up on purpose, and deciding to get to know the emotions inside.
While emotions do not define a person, they can give important information. Emotions can show a person the things that matter to them, what they like or don't like, what sort of person they WANT to be [and maybe wanted to be their entire lives]. They add a richness to the lives of people, allow for relationships and bonds to be made, and so on.
You don't "Manage" emotions like you manage a bank account [closed off until you need something]. This only lets the anger build inside.
You live. And as you live, there are emotions. Like a testament that YOU exist and are living and care about things/people/places/ideas.
Because there are emotions - your life is rich. And thus you live.
It might help to look at each emotion as an experience. The ones stored inside from childhood are just experiences from long ago you get to actually experience now and let flow. The more you learn about them, the more you learn about yourself and what you came to do. And they do not ever define you.
You ... Be You.